Your Money Mindset with Chris Harder
Oct 22, 2019
Many of us have an unhealthy relationship with money and may even experience feelings of guilt in the pursuit of making a healthy living. In order to take control of your finances you must take control of your relationship with them.
- (3:46) You're taught growing up to be generous and to be kind with your money. But then you're also taught to not pursue wealth or nice things and certainly don't talk about it or be showy with it, and these two things were opposites to me as a child.
- (5:15) In my household growing up I remember asking on a couple of different occasions, “what does dad make?”, and being told it was none of my business and I'm not supposed to ask those things. As a caveat, I came from a really supportive, open family. We could talk about anything else and it was not taboo. So isn't that crazy - in our society people would rather talk about their most intimate things before they're willing to talk about money?
- (6:11) Lori and I do these money dates where it's kind of a state of the union. We go to a beautiful place that we really enjoy so that we're in a good abundant mindset. We list out, what are our assets this month? What did we make last month? Any big interruptions or expenses? What do you want to invest in? As a family, I envision us doing the same thing. It won't be quite as granular and high level, but we will have a household where we have a mini economy and our kids know that they'll receive money in exchange for other things they can do. They'll learn the power of money and the power of generosity.
- (9:25) Be open to the fact that it is okay to talk about money. Be open to the fact that there are so many things that you don't realize you don’t know and become curious. Start doing your own research. Look for both sides of the argument. Read books both for the topic and against the topic. Understand both sides of the coin and form your own opinions.
- (11:24) Here’s one of the biggest battles that we're facing: People who loved us and people who meant so well are the ones that shaped our financial beliefs, and the problem is that they weren't qualified to do so. Unless you came from a family that was wildly successful and was willing to be very open about it - to teach you the traits of what it takes to earn and become secure with your finances - then you are being taught how to think, how to act, how to behave, and what your patterns will be around money from people that were not qualified to teach you despite loving you.
- (14:34) Know what makes you feel good and what is important to you to make you feel abundant.
"You should never trade your time for anything that's not joy producing or income producing."
- (15:23) Financial ability - things such as knowing how to earn, knowing how to create, knowing how money works - is way more important than financial security or stability. Financial stability comes from financial ability.
- (18:40) I thought how many people I had underneath me on my team was important. I thought my title at the bank was important. I thought the number of nice things that other people could see us have was important. And all of that was completely uprooted when we were slapped in the face with having to start over. The beautiful thing about having to start over it this: it's a clean slate. You get to reinvent how you want to show up in the world. You get to reinvent how you want to add value. You get to reinvent what you want your moral code to be. You get to reinvent like how you want people to talk about you when you're not around. And that was our chance. I was able to choose again. I'll never tell you that it felt good in the moment. But looking back on it, it was the greatest gift.
- (20:40) Wherever you're at today, whatever your situation is, you are 100% responsible for that. It’s all on you. I'm not saying you won't have bad circumstances. What I'm saying is the long-term outcome, your reaction to the circumstances, the plan you create when you're faced with a challenge, the effort you put in, the resources you gather, all of those affect the outcome regardless of your bad circumstances. If you're open to the concept that you are responsible for your outcome right now, it can be as empowering as it is frustrating and angering. You quickly realize, if I put myself here then I can put myself anywhere. That begins this whole new shift in your paradigm where you start doing the right things, thinking of the right things and putting yourself exactly where you want to be.
- (24:34) The number one thing you can do is purposely seek out up-leveled individuals and start adding them to your tribe. You might feel like you're leaving people behind when you start to do that. But you have an obligation to follow your calling. You have an obligation to rise. You have an obligation to go out and do better. If nobody in your circle goes out and starts to think differently and behave differently, then you're all going to continue to keep each other down. So you have almost a moral obligation to go out there and be the one that rises in order to be the inspiration for whoever's ready to come along with you.
- (26:34) We think we're doing someone a favor when we say, “that’s okay. You tried your best, and maybe this just isn't for you.” That's garbage advice. Tell them to get back in the game, that you believe in them and that there's a gear they haven't found yet and they’ve got to go find it.
- (28:59) Your competition should be with yourself. You should aim to get better every day, every week, every month. You should track what is important to you.
- (29:54) I think the biggest mistake that anyone can make as an entrepreneur is not to ask for help. I spent so many years not asking for help. I thought I could figure it out on my own and I didn't want to bother other people. It had nothing to do with ego at this point. It had everything to do with not wanting to be a burden, and that's silly. People get fulfillment and joy and a dopamine hit and value out of being of value to you. So, I was robbing them of that by not asking for help.
- (31:06) Lori and I have a very strict container for our days. We’re big believers that we need to fill up our own cups first. That way we give the rest of the day from the part of the cup that's pouring over. You are not of service to anybody when you are burnt out and tired and not present and disgruntled and doing things out of resentment or from a place of no energy.
- (31:56) We have this non-negotiable protected time in the morning. We wake up between 6:30 and 7:30, and the very first thing I do is say this mantra out loud: I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, and more fit than I was yesterday. I close my eyes and I'll say a quick prayer of gratitude, taking inventory of everything I'm grateful for in that moment. Now, look what I've done in the first 90 to 120 seconds of my day. I can't possibly get up on the wrong side of bed because I've chosen what colored lenses I want to view my morning through.
- (32:30) We've got this rule: pages before swipes. We have to read 10 pages of any book before we're allowed to open our phones for anything. Then we do our prayers and meditation and go to the gym and workout. Then at 11:00, everybody is allowed to start getting ahold of us. Nobody but immediate friends and family can get ahold of us from when we wake up to 10:59 AM. Now, don't get lost in the numbers. Find yourself in the routine, find yourself in the story. But that's what works for us. And then we'll work our tails off all day long until 6:00 or 7:00 at night.
- (34:20) Here's another very key, important factor of our success, both as entrepreneurs and as a married couple. [After work], we have a mandatory non-negotiable walk where we take the dog for three and a half miles, about an hour. The importance of having this built in container at the end is that we never come home from the walk without having talked through whatever bothered us or celebrated some wins that day. We come together as a romantic couple again - holding hands, laughing, shifting from business partners to a romantic couple. That has been absolutely key for us.
- (38:34) I've learned that your perspective of “I get to do this” versus “I have to do this” is massively powerful. That tiny shift causes you to find joy and happiness in what you're doing versus coming from a place of obligation and resentment.
- (39:10) Lose the ego and take as many risks as you want. It's never too late. Just take the risks and just keep failing forward.
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